I've Lost Who I Am
by wowlovely
Summary: Clare Edwards has lost sight of who she is.


**A/N: A small introduction to Clare rediscovering who she is, realistically as possible. Just a heads up, Clare will be doing this by herself, and will not be getting back with Eli or any other boy for that matter to be her 'old self'. **

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><p>Clare Edwards Prided herself in being an all-around good girl. She helped her mom around the house, got good grades in school, always did her best to support her friend and family through whatever crisis they were going through. She was, as what students had dubbed her, an everyday saint.<p>

Clare lived a very sheltered life; she was a symbol of innocence. She was too naive to fully comprehend the darkness that did surround the world she lived in.

Words like divorce and infidelity never entered her mind, until they impacted her family. Suddenly, she began to open her eyes, seeing the world as what it truly was; not so black and white as she had once perceived it. Her sister had been raped, tried to commit suicide twice, until she left for Africa, and hadn't been home in three years. Her parents separated, going against their religion, and rules that Clare had grown up with and told to follow. Her dad had even committed adultery; a sin she never would have imagine. Her life was crumbling around her, and she finally met her end when a boy she loved with all her heart had more baggage that she could deal with; a past so dark that it sucked all the happiness from her. Clare Edwards did what she had to do. She left.

All she wanted was to be happy. All she wanted was to focus on herself for once, instead of trying to fix other people. That didn't seem so wrong.

She found happiness in another boy. Jake Martin. A childhood friend. It started as a casual thing, just for fun, and no one would get hurt. But times changed, and so did feelings. Clare felt herself fall in love with the tall boy, loving how she didn't have to fix him; save him from herself. She could do what she wanted without expecting a freak out. He was her happiness.

But happiness doesn't last forever; people don't want to stick around for forever. Clare learned this the hard way. For weeks, she had prepared for this moment, the moment where she would give herself to Jake completely, showing how deeply she loved and cared for him in the way she had before believed was to be save for marriage. She thought Jake would be all for it, that he loved her, and he would want to share this with her.

She was wrong. It was the words, "I don't think we're on the same page anymore... maybe we should end this." that sent Clare crying in her bathroom. How could he do this to her? Jake had said constantly that he loved her, and wanted to be with her despite their parents' marriage. She had let someone fool her once again.

Clare wiped her bloodshot eyes, reaching for her phone. All she wanted to hear was some kind of comfort. A promise that everything would work itself out; that she would be okay. She scrolled through her contacts, having a hard time finding someone she considered a friend, or even talked to.

Adam? No... they haven't spoken since... when did they last speak?

Alli? Defiantly no. Alli had approached Clare many times when school started again, but Clare ignored her and spent all her time with Jake. Alli had admitted defeat and hung around with Jenna.

Darcy? She was across the globe, and rarely called home

Dave? No.

Eli? No.

Jenna? No

KC? No.

Clare's eyes widened in shock. It wasn't possible, was it? For one to have no friends at all. No one to talk to, no one to listen, no one to lean on. Racking her brains, Clare could hardly remember a time where she wasn't with Jake. She went everywhere with him, hung out with his friends... did she really become the girl who let a boy become her whole world?

Letting out a sob, Clare realized she was. She was the girl who only cared about herself and her happiness. She hadn't spoken to two of her friends in weeks, when they were only good to her. She left her best friend for years, over a boy, without letting her explain. She constantly gave her mom a hard time, and made everything about her own happiness. When did she turn into something that was the complete opposite of her?

Clare stood up, glancing into the mirror. The longer she looked at the girl starring back, the more lost she felt. This girl wasn't her. This wasn't the person she was proud to be. She hated this person.

She hated what she had become.

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><p><strong>Review? Or, leave me a message on tumblr; nosetlikeamovie set. I am also looking for a beta reader for most of my ongoing stories, so if you are interested, please send me a message over tumblr or PM me on here. Thanks c:<strong>


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